


Draco Gets His Dick Stuck in a Celing Fan

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 8th year, Hogwarts, Oneshot, Other, Truth or Dare, basically a crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 14:20:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11556990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's 8th year and any students who were previously associated with Voldemort are given a second chance under the Good Behaviour Program. This includes taking Muggle Studies class and THAT includes the homework task of embracing an aspect of muggle culture. Draco, Blaise and Theo rent out a house in a muggle neighbourhood and a good old game of Truth or Dare has hilarious consequences.





	Draco Gets His Dick Stuck in a Celing Fan

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was requested by my friend on her sister's behalf. It is basically a crack fic. Also, for the sake of making this fic make sense, I'm pretending their 8th year is set in around 2017.  
> Honestly, you should be ashamed for reading this, and I should be ashamed for writing this. I'm not tho, this is frickin hilarious.

A Good Behaviour Program. What a stupid idea. Being sent to Azkaban would’ve been the better option.  
  
Well, I suppose at least it wasn’t _just_ him, all of the other fuckers were getting dragged down as well. Ha.  
  
Nevertheless, this was still utterly stupid. _Taking Muggle Studies??_ Just to prove he wasn’t prejudiced. Probably Granger’s idea seeing as the Golden Trio seemed to run the place ever since Potter knocked off ol’ noseless.  
  
The class itself wasn’t actually that bad. Draco would die before admitting it, but most of the stuff they learnt was really interesting; at least from a pureblood’s perspective who knew shit all about muggle-anything.  
  
Along with himself, Blaise, Theo, Pansy and some other death eater kids he didn’t really care about were in the class with him. They’d only had to suffer 3 months so far but now it was the Christmas holidays and they had been giving homework. ‘Consistently engage in an aspect of muggle lifestyle.’  
  
Draco, Blaise and Theo had taken the easy option and just rented out a house in a muggle neighbourhood together and didn’t use any magic (or at least they weren’t _supposed_ to use any magic.) Pansy on the other hand had discovered muggle pop culture, more specifically, youtube.  
  
SnakeBitch79 had become quite an internet sensation within Hogwarts. Daily vlogs were her forte and she made sure that everyone knew everything about whatever she did.  
  
It just so happened that along with her starting a youtube channel, she begun watching others and eventually discovering what would come to be called The Worst Muggle Game in Existence. More commonly known as Truth or Dare.  
  
Which led to now. Boys Night In and a classic game of T or D after having a few too many firewhiskeys.  
  
“Blaise,” slurred Theo. “Truth or Dare?”  
  
It took Blaise a moment before he realised he had been asked a question. “DOUBLE DARE!”  
  
“Shhh, we’ll get evicted.” Stage-whispered Draco while giggling, an action he would later deny upon his life.  
  
“That wasn’t an option.” Said Theo.  
  
Blaise held up his hand to pause the game and walked out of the room, swaying slightly. Draco and Theo exchanged confused, unfocused looks before he walked back in, clutching a piece of toilet paper with words scribbled on it.  
  
Blaise cleared his throat loudly. Holding the toilet paper in front of him like a scroll, he began reading, “Rules of T and D. One) Blaise makes the rules. Two) Refer to rule one.” He finished dramatically throwing the paper in the air.  
  
The other boys’ drunken minds accepted this without question.  
  
“Oookay. I DOUBLE DARE yooou to…” Theo took a moment to look around the room before staring right into Draco’s eyes. “Have a competition as to who can get hard first.”  
  
Draco began giggling again.  
  
“I can toootally get it up before you.” Drawled Blaise.  
  
“Oh yeah?” Draco had stopped giggling now. “Try me.”  
  
-  
  
Standing side by side with their pants down was…awkward to say the least. Only making matters worse was Theo who was sitting on the couch across from them with his head resting on his knees.  
  
Around ten minutes passed before anyone spoke. “Well, this isn’t working.”  
  
“Backing out, Malfoy?” Blaise sneered.  
  
“NO!” Draco’s determination was back and his Slytherin cunning finally seemed to be making an appearance.  
  
Grabbing his wand, Draco pointed it at a place any sober wizard wouldn’t ever dare risk. “Wingardium Leviosa.”  
  
The three boys stared at Draco’s dick in shock, waiting for something to happen.  
  
Nothing. Nothing, and then:  
  
Up it went, resulting in complete chaos. Blaise was yelling. Theo looked inspired. Draco was crying, whether out of relief his dick didn’t fall off or because he won, nobody knew.  
  
Amongst all of the ruckus, nobody noticed Draco slowly drifting upwards towards the ceiling. Even Draco himself was too drunk to notice until he was an inch away from the spinning ceiling fan.  
  
It was too late for him to even yell before he started orbiting around the room, dragged along, _by his freaking penis _caught on one of the blades.__  
  
It was now Blaise and Theo’s turn to cry as they also howled with laughter. Draco was shouting profanities at the top of his lungs.  
  
“MY FUCKING DICK IS STUCK IN A CEILING FAN!”  
  
“His _fucking _dick,” wheeze “is _stuck___ ” wheeze “IN A CEILING FAN!” Blaise fell behind the couch as he continued to laugh at Draco’s misfortune.  
  
Even Theo, who was normally the sensible one, was clutching his stomach and rolling around on the floor.  
  
As if matters couldn’t get any worse, in walks Pansy who was fucking _vlogging_. As she enters the living room she screams before instinctively flipping her camera around to record the chaos.  
  
She is only able to hold the camera still for ten seconds before she drops it and falls to the floor, silent laughing with no breath.  
  
“PANSY PARKINSON YOU BETTER NOT POST THIS OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL EVISCERATE YOU!” Draco screeched while still spiralling around the room.  
  
Pansy is only just able to squeak out one sentence between gulps of air. “It’s a live stream.”  
  
Draco stops struggling to break free and simply hangs there limply. The alcohol kicks in and he begins crying. “I’m never gonna get down from this ceiling fan. I’ll have to spin from my dick forever and then I can never wash my hair and it’ll go all oily. I don’t wanna have oily hair!”  
  
While Draco wails out his mixed—up priorities, the front door slams open, unheard by any of the teenagers inside.  
  
McGonagall strides through the house and rips open the living room door to cop a full sight of the nudity of Draco’s bottom half, right as he swings by her face.  
  
“ENOUGH!” She yells after overcoming the initial shock of the sight before her.  
  
All four Slytherins immediately shut up, and turn to stare at her. (Or at least, Draco stares every time he is facing her as he spins round.)  
  
“Turn off that damn livestream, Miss Parkinson. Nott, Zabini, _get up_.” McGonagall walks over to the wall switch and turns the fan off, casting a spell to make Draco thump down to the carpet. “Malfoy, put your pants back on.”  
  
“Yes miss.” He mumbles pulling up his jeans as fast as he can.  
  
McGonagall opens her mouth once more. They all flinch, waiting for their punishment only she closes it without saying anything and walks out the door, sighing.  
  
There is silence for a minute after she leaves before the noise returns full force.  
  
“YOU WERE HANGING BY THE CEILING FAN!”  
  
“JUST SPINNING AROUND AND AROUND!”  
  
“AND ALL MY FANS SAW IT!”  
  
“OMG MALFOY YOU’RE GONNA GO VIRAL!”  
  
Draco stared his three ‘friends’ directly in the eye muttering two words with as much sincerity as he could muster. “Fuck. You.”


End file.
